littlemissbealrightagain said: I am sorry but BWAHAHA. eart’ dad? I am dead. Please invest in a handheld recorder and send me the tapes. Oh my gosh. Between him and my mom’s “Mishter Kelsee come here and pleh with meh shon!” it could be hysterical.

OH MY BUDDHA THAT WOULD BE HYSTERICAL. I need to find my voice recorder or something. It’s hilarious. …I need to record him saying ‘peanut butter’ so you can hear how accurate Alex’s impression is. 

One, Pops, our cats are indeed from earth so that would mean that Ali is also their earth dad. Two, how did you graduate high school? No. Honestly. What the fuck?

• my dad threw a screaming fit until I agreed to go to Walmart.
• what felt like the entire city’s population of deer decided to cross the road while I was driving through the fog.
• I got all the way through the fucking check out at Walmart and realized I left my wallet at home. 
• I dropped a bunch of bananas on the floor.
• Raced home to get my wallet and go back and pay
• Some stupid asses were having a full on brawl in the parking lot. 
• By the time I got back the place was swarming with cops. 
• Paid for my groceries and had a cop follow me halfway home. 
• Yep. 
• And the kitten just turned my water glass into HER drinking glass. 

The stars are stacked against me, it’s time to go to bed.